A Letter to God

This letter was part of Phoebe's homework. She told me several months ago that she felt called to be a missionary. I was so touched so I pray that she continues to follow God's lead and goes where He calls her. She's 9, but God works through all of us. Praise Him!

If you can't read her handwriting it says this:

Dear God,
I have always wanted to be a missionary. But I am not always that kind of person. So I was shocked when I felt you calling me to become one. I have already tried with my Aunt's and Uncle's. But sadly they barely paid attention. :(
I know I can help them. I just don't know how. Please help me to know what to do. Help me to listen to you and be that kind of person every day. ...Love, Phoebe

Mothers Day?

My Mothers Day was just like any other day. I cleaned, I cooked, I shopped for food. I served my family instead of them serving me. I'm OK with that. My girls gave me some cute little homemade gifts. I'm happy no money was spent on me. I feel loved and appreciated even though nothing "special" happened just because a date on the calendar says I have to be celebrated. Being a mother is a special gift in itself. We've had several miscarriages before we were blessed with our two daughters. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to be the mother of these two. Sometimes I get frustrated as to why God chose me to be the mother of these two. Most times I'm happy that God chose me to be the mother of these two. I don't need a special day to tell me to have a happy Mothers day. I have one every day if I stop to count the blessings that my daughters have given me that day. Have a happy Mothers day today and every day.

Thank You Girls, Thank You God

Dear Phoebe and Abigail,
God gave me you two, to nurture, and love, and take care of. He entrusted to me, the job of bringing you up to love and serve the Lord.
I'm doing my best to be the kind of mom that God wants me to be.
I fail, I know that. I sometimes yell too much. I am selfish at times and want to be left alone. I get mad when things don't go my way.
I'm learning girls. I ask God to show me what he wants me to do to raise you. Sometime I don't do as He says.
I need to keep that in mind when you two don't do what I say.
So how cool, girls... we are all daughters to God. That makes us sisters in Christ! Not only do we have the bond of family, but also the bond of being one with Christ.

Phoebe: Your beauty takes my breath away at times. I look at you and sometimes can't believe that I gave birth to you. You really are a very pretty girl. The brains that God gave you amazes me. I thank God that you got that gift not only from God, but also from your dad. I pray that you use them to your best ability, and also for God's purpose for your life. Please hold out on wanting to be grown up. I know you think it's cool, but trust me, it's not cool to your mom. I am loving your age, and seeing that indeed you are growing up. One year at a time OK? I love you. Alot, even though you may not think that at times.

Abigail: Girl, you crack me up! You don't even try to be funny, you just are. You bring joy to me every day. You are always quick with a hug and kiss. I love how you want to stay little. That my dear, is fine with me. God has given you a great gift and talent of drawing. I pray that you do with it what God has intended for your life. I think your beauty is stunning! I never tire of looking at you. You make it easy to be a mom. Please carry that in to your teen years. I love you much.

God: Thank you for entrusting these two precious, beautiful girls to me. I'm trying, I'm trying, you know I'm trying to do my best. Continue to guide me in the raising of my daughters. Thank you for giving me my mother as a great example of how to raise girls. I find myself doing much of what she did. I hated a lot of it growing up, but I see it now as the perfect and right thing to do with my girls. I wish she was here today so I could tell her. You can tell her for me. Tell her hi, I miss her, and I love her too.

To my 3 children in heaven, I would have loved taking care of you here on earth. What fun a family of 5 kids would be. I smile thinking about it. God had other plans, and I know His plans are greater than mine could ever be. I know I will see all of you someday in heaven. What a joyful time that will be. Until then, know that you are loved and that you were all a huge part of making me the mother I am today.

Phoebe and Abigail, Thank you for making my job as a mom pretty easy. It's not always fun, but for the most part, you're real good kids and it is a blessing to be called your mom.
I am proud to be given the title of Mom, and to be a part of why we celebrate this day we call Mother's Day.

Love, Mom

Draw Near

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

We are starting a new bible study at church on Wednesday nights, and this one is titled "Drawing Near".
I think we could all use a little or a lot more nearness with God. I know I sure need it.
What does that verse say first? Draw near to God... We need to draw near first. He is always there with open arms. (picture the cross) God already made the move by having Jesus die for our sins. He's there, we need to move. Draw near to Him.
...and He will draw near to you. He is waiting for us. God's thoughts about us outnumber the grains of sand. Psalm 139: 17-18

We are the ones that determine the level of relationship we have with God. The bible is full of scripture that tells us what God thinks of us. He's crazy about us. We can't even understand the level of love he has for us. Now what is the level of love we have for Him? How much time do we give Him throughout the day?
I was watching the Packer/Viking game on t.v. Monday night. I was cheering and hooting and hollering and doing the touchdown dance every time the team I was rooting for made a touchdown or made a great play. Then it hit me. Or God hit me, I don't know. It was like He said, "Why don't you hoot and holler and cheer for me this way?" "I give you great plays every day". Ooooo guilty! I've been chewing on this one since Monday night.
We are the ones that determine the level of relationship we have with God. I'm not happy with my level right now.

These are some of the notes I took tonight at the study...

What do you think it means that He will then "draw near to you?"
He will give us answers, we will have peace, we get to experience His fruit! What joy!

Intimacy with God is available to each one of us. This is God's passion.
Break intimacy into pieces and you get "Into me see" Let your guard down, agree with Him.
How would your life change if you lived intimately with God? We would be more confident, have joy, we would have the desire to please Him.

Seek God for who He is, not what He can do for you. It's not about us. Focus on seeking His heart, not His hand.

What does drawing near look like to me.
When I wake up, I start to give God my list of prayer requests for the day. I had to stop myself the other morning because I realized that I didn't even say good morning to Him. It's like I pulled up to the drive-up window and put in my order, and hope He gets it right for the day. Real nice closeness I have here.
I need to praise Him for who He is. I need to dive in to His Word and find out what He has to say. I need to shut my mouth and open my ears.

God loves us just as much as He loves Jesus. Doesn't that blow your mind? That just wows me.

I love the before and after of James 4:8 too.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:7-10 NIV

My way of drawing near to God will be changing, because I want to be lifted up by the Lord.

Fellowship: I need it

Tonight we had our life group meeting at our house. 12 of us from our church get together every 2 weeks and have a bible study of some sort.

Honestly, tonight I didn't care if anybody came or not. I wasn't crabby or anything, just didn't feel like connecting with some of these people.

We didn't have a specific study tonight, but we started watching the Left Behind movie, then discussed it a little. We'll finish the movie in 2 weeks. It truly was good fellowship.

After everyone left, I started reading some blogs, and felt truly blessed again. I felt a wonderful fellowship among believers.

I went to my bible and looked up fellowship and found this verse, and heard God talking to me loud and clear.
If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1John 1:6-7. NIV

Earlier today, I was not walking in the light, as he is the light. You sure couldn't tell I had fellowship with the Lord by my attitude. I was walking in darkness, and the truth of the bible said I was living a lie. ugh.
Something about the word lie that gets to me. I don't want to be called a liar. I hate lying and liars. Ok I don't hate liars, just that they lie. So when the bible says I'm lying because I'm walking in darkness and claiming to have fellowship with Him...that gets to me, and I have to get rid of it.

And then with the fellowship of the life group I was able to walk in the light again. (after silently confessing my crappy attitude to God) I needed that fellowship, even though I thought I didn't want it, and I needed the words of some of the bloggers I visited tonight. Being reminded that the blood of Jesus purified me from all sin, because I chose to walk in the light again and have fellowship with other believers, is such a joy, and a much better feeling than the feeling I had when I was walking in darkness.

Fellowship has been and still is, such an important part of my walk with the Lord. And I cherish all the fellowship I have had over the years. I don't even need to be good friends with the people I fellowship with. It seems that if we belong to the body of Christ, then we have that common bond. We seem to "fit" in to each others lives, be it only for a quick chat, a season or a lifetime of being in each others lives.

When darkness comes in to our lives, it is so important to get in to fellowship with Christ, and other believers, so that darkness does not overtake us. Nobody even has to know it. (Unless you blog about it) Nobody knew tonight that I was walking in darkness, yet their fellowship drew me back in to the light. And for that I am thankful and grateful.

Pray for Stellan!

Please hold up Stellan and his family in prayer. Stellan is not doing well at all and needs a miracle from God to get through this. In Jesus Name!

Vlogemotions

Join Tim and others over at Fort Thompson for more Vlogemotions.

I was filming myself when you see the black picture come up. I could see me when I replayed the video back on the camera, but not when the video is on here. Like Tim says, "No second takes." But that's OK. I had just woken up, and looked a fright anyway. My emotion is pure joy, that God takes care of us each day. This morning's video brought to mind Luke 12:22-24 Then Jesus said to his disciples; "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

I encourage you to read the rest of what Jesus has to tell us about worry. (Luke 12:25:34) In trying times like we have today, it is such a comfort knowing we can rest in God's Word.

Celebrate our Independence

I feel this year I will celebrate America's independence with a lot more fervor.

I feel our country is depending more and more on other countries, which means what? We are losing our independence. Not good.

The almighty dollar seems more important than our people. Jobs are moving out of this country all because it's less costly.

Some people think we should embrace every other country and if we're just nice to them, they'll be nice to us. Let's sit around the campfire singing Kumbaya.

Well, people, other countries hate us, no matter how nice we are to them. They want us wiped off the face of the earth. Putting forth the effort to be nice to them will just make it easier for them to wipe us away.

Our independence is slowly fading away, but we still have some threads left. Let's hang on tight to those threads and see if we can sew some of them back together and be the independent America we once were.








Even though our country is becoming less independent, I still have God's Word that will never be anything than what it says. He will never leave me or forsake me. Galatians 5:1 tells me: Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yolk of bondage.

My freedom is in Christ. Yes, I live in this country, and I will follow the laws of this country, but I do not have to conform to this world. I am renewed by Christ and I will live with Christ forever, when this country and world are gone.


So today I will celebrate my countries independence with as much joy and freedom as I can, while I still have that freedom. I will always have joy in the Lord, and my country can't take that away from me. Oh, they can try, and no doubt that time is coming, but if I have to die because I believe in Christ, then so be it.

Be alert, pray hard.

Have a safe and enjoyable 4th of July celebration.

What God's doing here

God seems to have filled my head with nothing but Him. I have nothing to post about. Not that God is nothing, I don't mean that. I've been trying to find something to post but God is telling me to seek Him. So that's what I must do.

It's an amazing time we live in, and seeking God is probably the best thing to do now. Our world seems to be going downhill fast. He will give us the answers. He will provide for us. He will care for us, no matter what. If we seek Him!

So even though I could post about the snow we had this morning, although it didn't stick to the ground, and it's cold out. 36 degrees, and we have more snow coming, and how it's going to warm up by the weekend, and how we had 70 degree weather last weekend, I won't because He wants me to stop and seek Him.

Now since I sneaked all that in, I have to go say I'm sorry to God, for not quitting right away.
I know how I feel when my girls don't listen to me right away, just think how God feels. sigh

Just Another Manic Monday

It's not really manic here. Just put an old Bangles song in my title, because it fit with it being Monday.

Nothing really worth writing about over here. Just another day. I guess that's a good thing. Nobody is sick, or hurt. So much for nobody hurt... updated about 5 minutes later, than when I typed this. Just got a call from school that Phoebe hit her head on the slide, but is ok. They checked her pupils out to see if they were dilating, (they are) and she refused an ice pack and wants to go back to class, but they need to call us and let us know what's going on.

Nice and quiet. The T.V. is off, Abby is playing in the basement. Perry is working in his office in the basement. I did some cleaning, then talked to a friend/cousin-in-law for over an hour.

And after stepping on the scale this morning, SHOCKED with what I saw, I will be walking on my treadmill shortly, and I will NEVER eat again. OK, so I will eat again, but I am going to try to eat healthier. Good grief! C'mon how does one gain 4 pounds in a weekend? How can those few pieces of cinnamon bread among other breads and fries, and burgers, and other assorted junk put 4 pounds on me? :o/ Ugh.

Amanda at The House With The Blue Door received my Pay It Forward gifts, and now wants to pay it forward herself. Like me, she doesn't get a lot of blog traffic, so if anyone wants to receive some great little gifts, or knows somebody who does, she wants to Pay It Forward to you/somebody. Swing on over to her house with the blue door, (her blog) and sign up.

I was just staring at a cute little address book that I have next to me, and it has a bible scripture on it that reads...Encourage one another daily...Hebrews 3:13. So here is my encouragement for you today...


Psalm 34:4 - I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.


Wow, that says a lot! We seek, He answers, and delivers. We can pile up a lot of fears in our life. Just knowing that God can deliver us from ALL of them is encouraging.

Seek Him today. May He bless all of you. I know I feel blessed.

Lazy Day of Sunday

It's a good day to laze around the house after a great morning at church.

The message at church was something I needed to hear. Our regular pastor was speaking at another church out of town, so we had the youth pastor preach. It's cute how I can tell he's a youth pastor, by the way he speaks to us. Real clear and simple so a kid can understand it. I like that, and I need that sometimes.

He spoke of how we are the invitations of the church. We have our testimony, so we need to speak it out to others, let them know that there is hope for their life. We can hand out real paper, what we call invitations, to a church service or something, but those are just information, WE are the invitations. Never thought about it that way before. It's sounds pretty simple and lame the way I am writing it here, but it was a powerful sermon, that spoke to me.

You too, are an invitation to others to get to know Christ, if you have a personal relationship with God and His Son, Jesus. Be that invitation. Invite them to church, or just to talk. Show them the Christ that lives in you.
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After a wonderful lunch of eggplant parmesan, and spaghetti, I am heading to my room to read. I got 3 new books from the library last week, and I am diving in. No doubt a nap will accompany my reading. :o)

Later tonight, I am heading back to church for a prayer meeting for some who are going on a missions trip to Mexico. One of the team members asked me to be her prayer partner for before, and during the trip. I am more than happy to pray for her and the others going on this trip.

No school for Phoebe tomorrow, so it's going to be a easy night with a get-up-any-time-I-want-to kind of morning. HA, ya right, any time I want to.

The 3 inches of snow we had last night and this morning is pretty much gone already. Love that.

It's been a good day so far. Satan usually gets his rotten face in our Sundays and tries to wreck them. Not today though. He can go to hell, for all I care. Oh yeah, he will be soon enough.

Come Lord Jesus, come.

Happy Sunday to all of you.

I'm sick

I'm not physically sick, just emotionally sick of all the sickness in this world. So many children, and adults having cancer or some other disease, or illness. Some dying from it. I hate it!

I read so many blogs where kids and adults are sick. Some just normal sick. Ex. colds, flu, just all around yuckiness, and many who have a disease and are fighting a losing battle.

I get so attached to these families, that it pains me when sickness occurs in their family. I feel like it's happening to my own family. I hurt when they hurt, I grieve when they grieve.

I do know I have an awesome and powerful God who saves and heals. I don't understand it all, but I know God is hearing my prayers and thousands others, of our intervening for these sick people. I know His answer, whether it's the answer we want or not, is His perfect will.

He deserves the glory. He is the great I AM! And to know we can boldly go before His throne and ask for anything, is a privilege I don't take lightly.

Today is no different. I go before my Great and Mighty Lord and ask for complete healing for:

Stellan, Heidi and her children, Sheryl, Abby, Samuel, Cindy, Tricia, Bridget, Mistee, Summer, Rooney and little Goose (allergies), Phoebe, Perry, Phyllis and so many others.

Lord hear my prayer.

If I...

If I hear one more cough,

If I see one more fever over 102,

If I empty out one more bucket of puke,

If I open one more box of Kleenex,

If I have to call school one more day,

Then I will thank my Lord, that my children are alive. Not well, but alive.

Heal them Lord, in Your Name, I pray.

My Word

So I'm in church Sunday, and our pastor is preaching on hearing our word from God. God has a word for each of us. Sometimes lots of words, but for now it's hearing the word that God wants us to deal with now.

So I'm driving to pick up Phoebe from school yesterday, and I'm asking God what my word is. Well leave it to God to tell me right away. It's not that I didn't want this word, I just wanted to make sure that it was His word for me. So, I'm asking Him, "is this the word?" Well, when tears pool up in your eyes that you can hardly see to drive, one can be sure that it is the word from God. So I kinda yell out, "Ok God, I'm trying to drive, and I can't see with these tears, I get it, that is my word, stop the tears please." My tears stopped. It's not that I was crying over the word, it was knowing that God was talking to me that got me teary.

What is my word you ask? ugh...it's TRUST.

So, I'm driving and trying to think of who am I not trusting. My husband. Yes, he came to mind. Actually he was the only person that came to mind. So my thoughts are whirring. He needs to be trusted with lots, as being the head of our household. He needs to be trusted when he's working away from home for a week at a time. I need to trust him to make the right decisions for our family. And it's not that he doesn't, I just want to be the one in control, and run the house, and make all the decisions. I know God doesn't want that though.

Actually, God was not using my word, trust, for humans. A little, but mainly for HIM.
I need to put all my trust in Him. All of it. Not to pick and choose, but trust Him with all my life, and everything and everybody in it. Ahhhhhhh. After fretting for only a brief moment, I accepted His word for me, and off I go, praying and reading His word ( the bible) to find out more about this word, trust, and what He wants of me.

So far this morning, God led me to Exodus 14:13 Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The word in that verse that really hit me was... today. Today!. I can do today. That's all I have is today. That's all God gave me was today. I need to trust God. No need to be afraid if I let God be in charge. If I stand firm,( in my trust), then the Lord will deliver me from whatever I am not trusting. Just today. Cool. This may have to be a minute by minute deal, but it will work as long as God is in charge.

And moving along to Ex. 14:14 The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.
Yay, great. He will fight for me. I don't have to do a thing, but be still. Ugh. That's my problem. I can't be still. Or I should say, I don't want to be still. I want to fight too. "I'll help You Lord. Or worse yet, "Move over Lord, I will take care of this." That does NOT work. Yet, I still go on with it. So I can see that, that is a big change I need to make in the trust department.

And then God leads me to Exodus 16:2 In the desert, the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. Ok, God, what's with that? Well, what was their cause of stress? It was their lack of trust in God. No kidding! Sometimes when I read about the Israelites and all they went through, and how God got them through soooo much, and fed them, yet they still complained, I think, "come on people. God is getting you through all this. Be grateful!" But, here I am, doing the same thing. Grumbling, complaining, not being grateful. I am just like them at times. I don't want to be. I want my trust to be in the Lord ALL the time. Oh, it is so hard. But you know, it's only hard, because I don't have God in the picture. I know God may have me go through hard times, but He is always right in front, leading me, right beside, helping me, and right behind, following me, and will always be there at the end, to welcome me with arms open wide for an embrace.

I am excited about this journey of trusting God in all things. His word is full of trust. I need to study this daily. I love the excitement I am feeling right now. There is no reason I can't have this every day. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding. I love that peace.

So today is today. I may not have tomorrow. Thank You God, for today. I pray I do all You want me to do in it. I trust You this minute. I pray my minutes continue into hours, and if my tomorrow comes, that my trust continues on. I love You Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You, oh my soul rejoice.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Hope your 2009 is fine. God bless all of you and God knows how much you all have blessed me. Stay safe, be healthy. You will all be in my prayers. I am looking forward to a great year of blogging with you.

Last Day of 2008

Today is the last day of 2008. It was a good year. I thought the Lord would have come back by now, but what do I know. I guess He has 23 hours and some minutes left to do so, if God so chooses to send Him. Anyway, what kind of year has this been for me? It's been ok. Nothing earth shattering happened, except my cat died, but I'll have a special post about him on the day he died, (Jan 26). Perry and I celebrated 9 years of marriage. My first born entered 1st grade. My baby turned 4. I got a year older. The summer was great, but flew by after July 4. I continued to seek the Lord as I do today. I enjoy seeking Him. Oh, I had fights with my husband, got crazy at my kids, wanted to run away a few times, but found my sanity and went on with the day. Did I mention perimenopause decided to show up? It can leave anytime now. I didn't have enough time with friends. I found new friends, from this blogging world, I never met in person, but can't wait to see in heaven. That's you :o) I really don't think I have ever prayed so much and so hard, as I've done this year. For family members, for friends, for church people, but I think mostly for people in blog land that I don't know personally. I love to pray. I believe God gave me that gift, and to Him I am grateful, and thankful. Yes, 2008 was great, because the Lord gave me every day in it. And I'm sure 2009 will be fine, as long as I lean on the love of our everlasting Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Give praise and honor and glory to God. What a thing to live for.

Such a happy day

Yahoo, God has provided, as always. Thanks and praise to Him always.
Christmas shopping is getting done. Christmas tree searching later today. Two, count them, TWO bills that we thought had to be paid now, do not have to paid until later. One in January, one in February.
But, there is a problem, and I am the problem. I know that God always provides for us, yet I still think about how are we going to do this, instead of how is God going to do this. So, is this why I'm happy? Because God provided? What if He didn't? I can't just be happy when He provides. And I don't think it's really about happiness anyway. My life should be about praising God in the storm and in the calm. I'm not that good at doing that. I'm good at telling other people to do that, and I think I'm doing it, but in reality, I fail at it often.
If this sounds like rambling, it's because the Holy Spirit is putting these thoughts in my heart and head, and fingers right at this minute. Because this is not what I intended this post to be about. And the tears are pooling up. They are good tears though. Cleansing tears, that make for a change in me.
OK, I'm back. I guess this post is done. It's still a happy day, but my happiness reasons have changed. I have to be happy with what God gives me, not what I think I have to have from Him. I have to surrender all. I have to say that again for my sake. I HAVE TO SURRENDER ALL!

Not Me Monday

These weeks are flying by way too fast. MckMama at mycharmingkids thought of this as great therapy. It sure makes me laugh to see how "normal" people are. Just like me.

This past week...

It wasn't me who was a total witch all week. There are three others who live here.

And they sure were not the ones who made me witchy.

I did not have a one-sided screaming match with my husband.

He did not calmly tell me to not let the door hit me in the @$$ on my way out.

That did not make me more nuts.

He does not keep telling me he loves me anyway.

I do not feel like a jerk for the way I have been acting.

I am not going to apologize to him.

I do not feel better since typing all this out, for a lot of people who don't know me, to see. (wow, this really is therapy)

I was not sad to leave my baby at a birthday party today. She is not growing up way to fast. She was not sad to see me go. (WAHHHHH she really wasn't)

I did not eat McCrappo's food two days in a row.

Boy oh boy, by the looks of my not me's I am certainly not following the ways of the devil.

Well, now that I've confessed some of my faults to all of you it looks like I got some fessin' to do before my God Almighty.
Hopefully this week I will walk in Jesus' footsteps. You all have a great week too.
Thanks for stopping by.

Happy Thanksgiving

I have tons of stuff to do, but I wanted to take the time to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful that God has provided for us these past several months. Perry travels alot for his job, and we became dependent on his overtime and travel time. In the months of September until early November, he has not traveled and we lived on his basic check. God showed us that when we turn to Him, we can survive and thrive on whatever amount of paycheck He gives us. Thank You God.
Take the time today to count your blessings, and give praise to Yahweh Yireh (the Lord will provide). Enjoy whatever you have planned. We have dinner here for 12, followed by some rousing games of BINGO, with some great (cheap) prizes.

God's talking to me through chili

God got ahold of me today and it started out with a little fight about chili. My fight, not our fight.
Perry is leaving for deer hunting tomorrow. He asked me this morning if I was going to make chili for the guys. (thanks for the 3 second warning dear) I told him that two weeks ago when he asked me, I said no, because we were not rolling in that much cash, for me to get all the ingredients and make a giant batch. Of course he didn't remember that conversation. Anyway, I have this rotten habit, if habit is the right word, of first flying off the handle and thinking later. I do not want that nasty way of being. That is one thing that I pray to God about taking that away from me. and He is, little by little, that I am noticing. Today was just another little chip off my yuckiness. Why can't He just take it all away, right away? I guess it's how we learn. I have had some bad habits taken from me instantly. I got into some trouble in my drinking days. One day I stopped drinking, and never had a problem again with it. Thank you God.
ok, back to today. after ranting about his last second chili request, I of course told him I would make it, but didn't neglect to put some nastiness in my tone of voice. Wow, that chili was going to be made with love. So I went to the store, picked up the ingredients, and while getting them, I really was enjoying doing it. The bill came to about $20. That made me happy , because I really made a ton of chili to feed alot of guys, and I thought $20 was a great value. So driving away, I felt God telling me to call my hubby and apologize for getting crazy. I sometimes have a hard time apologizing, and this time was one of them. I thought, to God.. it's only chili, why should I say I'm sorry? It isn't about the chili, my dear, it is about your instant ranting and raving. That has got to stop. and an apology is in order. Yes Father. So I called.... he said hello, I said hello, he said hello, I said hello, he said hello, what can I do for you? (he was not mad at all, he's used to my attitude) I hesitate, and finally tell him that I was sorry for having a rotten attitude about making chili, and I was wrong. He told me he really appreciated that, and then went on and on how the guys rave about my chili....blah, blah, blah. Whatever, I didn't need to hear that, I just needed to apologize, and be obedient to God. So I am another step closer to getting rid of this icky attitude of instant "bite your head off". God taught me through a little thing like chili.
and I tasted it.... it's not bad. Please God, make it taste better than it really is.