Did I sign up for this?

Sometimes it's so hard to be a parent. And I don't mean when the kids are naughty and not listening to me. It's the heartbreak that parents have to go through.

Like this morning.

A few weeks ago, Phoebe's 1st grade class had a speech meet, where they had to memorize a bible verse or poem and say it in front of the class. They also had to explain a little about the verse or poem. They do this, I suppose, to get ready for the real speech meet that takes place in the higher grades, that include different schools in the area.
Phoebe chose Ephesians 6:1-3. She did very well at the meet and received 100 points out of 100.

A few days ago, she told me she was selected to say her bible verse at chapel this morning.

Back to this morning. I told Phoebe I would be at chapel to see her say her verse in front of the whole church. Well, the Kindergarten thru 5th grade anyway. (Scary to me!)

Abby wasn't feeling well. She has a cough. A gross, productive cough that she doesn't spit out, but rather swallows. Ick. But, I had to take her, and I was going to slip out of chapel as soon as Phoebe was finished saying her verse.

We drop Phoebe off at 8:10, go to the chapel and wait there for 20 minutes. Chapel starts at 8:30. Abby is fine, just laying in my arms. Chapel starts, we sit through 15 minutes of worship songs. Abby is fine, just lying in my arms. The speaker starts speaking, talking for about 10 minutes, when Abby tells me she has to throw up. WHAT! You've been fine for 45 minutes. Not one cough at all, and now you tell me you have to throw up. No! Hold it until Phoebe is done. She should be speaking any minute now.

Of course I didn't say that to her. I whisked her out in to the hallway and tried to get to the bathroom. Too late. What does a mother do when there is no place to throw up in to? Why she holds her hand to the sick girls mouth, so she can puke in it. Oh the joy to have a load of puked up snot deposited in your hand. Yup, all the crap she coughed up ended up in her stomach and she threw it back up. Some in my hand, and the rest she held in her mouth until we got to a toilet.

What a good girl she is. She actually listened to me when I told her to hold it in her mouth. I didn't really mean she actually had to hold it in her mouth, but that's what came out of my mouth, and she listened. Ha!

So we are in the bathroom, she's getting rid of her puke in the toilet and I'm washing off my puked on hand. She cleans up, and we head out, back to church.

I open my ears and hear a little girls voice speaking. Nooooooo, that can't be Phoebe. I run to the nearest door, leaving my sick child behind. I do hear Abby coming up in the rear, her big clunky boots pounding away.

I see Phoebe up on stage, behind the microphone, and this is what I hear...
"that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6, verses 1 thru 3. Audience claps.

WAHHHHHHH, I was there only for the last 9 words of the 41 word scripture. I wanted to cry. Did she see that I was gone? Did she think I ditched her? Is this a start of her not trusting me?

My heart broke twice this morning. Once, because I don't like to see my kids sick and feeling miserable, and the other time because I felt I wasn't there for Phoebe, and be her loudest clapper.

I know Phoebe will understand why I wasn't in the room to hear her, but it will take her being a mother, to understand the heartbreak I am feeling. All because we love our children.