Since then...

It's been almost 2 weeks since my first round of chemo. The first week was awful. 24/7 sickness that lasted a little over a week. Last week I started feeling human again and today I feel pretty much back to normal. Tomorrow starts round two of chemo. That is if I choose to continue. I've been in prayer these past two weeks, and sometimes it was pretty agonizing. I know I have many, many people praying for me, and I do not take that lightly. To me, prayer is serious, and the ones praying for me...well I know their prayers are being heard by Christ Himself, and He is intervening to God the Father on my behalf. I found myself over the past weeks, wondering where God was. Why wasn't I hearing from Him? "God, am I supposed to continue with chemotherapy?" I asked that over and over and I was not hearing a yes or a no. That's what I wanted. A yes or no answer. Easy and straightforward. Go back three sentences. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED! Turns out it's not how God wanted to teach me.
Before I had surgery, the chemo doctor told me "After surgery, you will be cancer free." Great. I believed him. Along with that, he said chemo will make sure (70-80% sure) that this cancer will not come back. Add in some radiation and all may be well. So even before I had the first round of chemo, I prayed to see if I should take it or not. No answer, so I went ahead and did round one.
 So now that round one is over, I found myself getting closer to God. He never leaves us, it's we who leave Him. I was talking to Him, and suddenly big as day, the doctors words "after surgery, you will be cancer free" came to me, only in a different light. I believe God spoke to me those words, and used the doctor to do it. There are many places in the bible where God speaks to people through the voice of others. He even used a donkey to speak to Balaam after Balaam wouldn't listen the first two times. (Numbers  22:28)
So I've been meditating on those words, and continue to pray. Last week I was talking to my sister about all this and I heard this verse come out of my mouth. "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace". 1Cor 14:33.
So I meditated on that verse. When I think of not taking any more chemo, I truly have a peace about it.I believe I am cancer free and chemo or no chemo, I still will be cancer free. If, down the road, I am found to have cancer again, I believe it would not be because I didn't have chemo for this cancer. God said I am cancer free!  When I think of having more chemo, you wouldn't believe the craziness in my brain. I think of the many drugs, and the havoc it causes on the body. It really is a confusing thought process and one God, I believe, is leading me out of.
I do want to say that all this is what God wants for me at this time. I am not against chemo, if one chooses to go through with it. Everybody is different, and everyone's walk with the Lord is different. If God said for me to take chemo, and stick with it to the end, I would. I'm not hearing that as of now. Come tomorrow this whole thing could  change around. I do not have a definite answer but am leaning to not doing any more chemo. Either way, I do not want to second guess my decision. God has more for me to learn from this, and/or He has something for me to do. I need to stay in His Word and be obedient to what He is saying to me. I don't want a donkey talking to me because I'm too stubborn to listen. God will bring me through this. He always does, if we let Him. I want to let Him.