Dear....

Dear parents of the 3.5 to 6 years old at church,
I was teaching your little ones at church on Sunday. First let me tell you that I love your children. I truly do. I love teaching them about Jesus, and I love seeing them learn. However for the safety of others and sanity of the teachers there are rules to follow.
1) I know it was Easter and your little ones were dressed in their finest, and you want everyone to see how cute they are, (and they were) but if your child has a cold and is dripping snot all over everything, may I suggest you, a) leave them home, or b) sit with them in the back of church in case you have to leave. Please keep your sick kids away from others, because even though I thought I washed my hands every three seconds and tried not to go near your child's snot, I am now sneezing (in to a tissue) all over the place.
2) 3.5 is the age we let your child in this class. Not 3. I saw you bring a tiny child in the class. I asked if he was 3.5. You said yes...he's 3. I said the class is for 3.5 to 6. You said yes....he's 3. I suspect he's not 3.5. The other teacher and I said the class will take 3 yr old children if they are potty trained. You said yes, your child is potty trained. Um...your child is not potty trained. I understand accidents happen, but I believe this was no accident. Your child lay on his stomach on the floor for about 10 minutes. When he got up, the carpet and himself was wet. Only then did he tell me he had to go potty. Am I wrong to think your child is not potty trained? signed, a germ and pee infested Sunday school helper.

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Dear Weather,
Stop....just stop. It's almost May. The sun should be shining, the flowers and trees blooming. They are not, because you decide to snow and rain all the time. OK, I'm grateful that you will be raining all week instead of snowing, but the ground cannot hold all this water and my basement is wet. I did wet at church, I'm not happy with wet anymore. Let the sun have its way for awhile.
signed, desiring dry

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Dear whoever thought that Easter means having candy,
You did a fine job of making the candy look all pretty and inviting in the stores. Yes, I bought some. Yes, I am eating it. Yes, I am loving it. No, I am not loving what it is doing to my hips and complexion. I have a love/hate thing for you. Go away. No don't. Yes, go. No don't. Help!
signed, Weakling

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Dear husband,
You took me for a ride on your Harley the other day. I pretended that it was OK. I told you I had fun. I thanked you for being safe. I lied. It was FUN! It was AWESOME! I LOVED it! You look hot on it! I felt hot on it and it was no hot flash. Give to me your leather, take from me my lace. Can't wait for another ride.
signed, your biker babe

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Dear children of mine,
I hear you. You are hungry. I am stopping this post to make your supper. Quit eating snacks. I'm going to make your supper right now! If you don't eat supper because of all the snacks and Easter candy you are eating....
signed, your mom who's putting a blog post ahead of you